What is school refusal and why should we care about it?
What do we mean by school refusal?
Being the parent or carer of a teenager who refuses to go to school can be incredibly challenging. It can place strain on your child, on you as the parents, on siblings, and on your family and home life.
School refusal is when a child or adolescent becomes very distressed and anxious about going to school. At its extreme, children will completely refuse to attend school.
School refusal is not an example of truancy or “wagging school”. The child does not hide that they are absent, or pretend to attend. They refuse and their parents are very aware that they will not go. School refusal is not simply a matter of the child not wanting to attend. It is driven by an underlying anxiety that needs support.
The signs of school refusal developing could include:
Children voicing that they do not want to go to school
Monday mornings that are particularly challenging
Children becoming anxious on Sunday evenings as they start to think about attending school the next day
Children who have difficulty falling asleep at night, thinking about having to attend school the next day, or finding it hard to be alone in bed.
Children having frequent physical complaints, such as feeling sick, having an upset tummy or a headache.
Regular calls from the school to collect your child because they are feeling “sick”
Having difficulty getting your child out of the car at school (or into the car at home, or even out of bed!)
Difficulty attending school after disruptions to usual school routines, such as holidays, school sporting events or school camps/excursions.
Children regularly missing days of school
Children who completely refuse to attend at all.
Why is it important to intervene?
If your child is starting to miss a lot of school, there may be an academic impact as they start to fall behind. The problem is that this can also have a snowball effect, increasing their anxiety the further they fall behind, reducing their capacity to complete the work, and heightening the chances of them further refusing school.
Of course, the reality is that children can do school work anywhere, and so can do some of this at home. What they can’t learn so easily at home, is the social skill development that they receive at school. The more time they spend at home, the more socially isolated from their peer group they become. This can lead to feelings of loneliness, and can of course heighten anxiety further. It can also slow down their overall social skill development, as we learn many of the skills we use in adulthood through these peer interactions.
In terms of family and household impact, school refusal can often lead to a lot of tension and conflict at home. It often places significant stress on parents, in addition to the anxiety felt by the child. It can place significant stress on siblings, who witness the tension and conflict, and who may feel that the household runs differently as a result of the anxiety and refusal. School refusal can often lead to parents missing work, which can also impact families’ finances, adding further strain to the cost of living pressures that families already face.
The longer the issue persists, the more difficult it can be for your child to get on top of their anxiety and to back into the routine of going to school, so it is important to respond early. Breaking the cycle can be hard, so you do not have to go through this alone. There are many supports available. See your GP, talk to your school, or check out our latest program for more.