Supporting the End of the Year with Clear Communication
The end of the year can be chaotic – not just for us adults, but for our children and teens too. Classrooms are out of routine, timetables change daily, there’s excitement, noise, and events. It’s a lot.
And on top of all that excitement, there is also uncertainty about next year — new teachers, new classrooms, new expectations and possibly even new schools. For many children and teens, that uncertainty can feel really big.
Then we jump straight into the holidays, where the routine disappears and every day looks a little different. Even the fun activities can feel overwhelming.
So how do we support our kids (and ourselves!) through all of this?
With calm, clear, predictable communication.
What does calm, clear, predictable communication look like?
1. Talk about what is coming up- With information comes predictability. When something is predictable, we feel stronger to manage it. Giving our children and teens as much information as possible helps them to understand what they will experience and how to navigate it. Discuss the who, what, where, when, how and why of each event with as much detail as possible. Allow them to ask questions and if you do not know the answer to their question, make a plan of what you can do together to find out.
2. Use visuals- hang a calendar on the refrigerator with events labelled. Use daily schedules to show days with regular routines as well as days with changes to the routine. Pull out the photo album to talk about places or family members who have not been seen recently who will attend events with you. Use social stories to help explain new experiences they will encounter.
3. Name their feelings and validate them- Children will express emotions long before they can name them. Helping them to develop the vocabulary for their emotions assists them in communicating their feelings and not being alone in that feeling. Emotions are running high at this time of year and letting them know that these feelings are valid, builds their emotional regulation and strengthens connection. Name the emotions you see as well as the emotions you experience. Use emotions charts and books as visual tools to help identify, name and model the use of emotion vocabulary.
4. Give choices- Allowing children and teens to choose the next step allows them to have a sense of control in what may feel like an uncontrollable time. Choices can be offered for small things like what they eat for lunch to bigger events such as attending a play date in the park or staying home. Giving our young ones the power to choose not only strengthens their decision making but when their choice is honoured it strengthens their trust and connection to us as well.
5. Keep your language simple and predictable-Use clear, simple sentences to communicate, particularly when children or teens are having difficulty. Repeat words and phrases often in different situations. Break larger amounts of information into smaller units. During emotional moments, the brain has less room for complex information. Short, simple sentences help children understand what we’re saying more easily.
6. Try to remain calm- This can be tricky, but a calm voice and a calm presence can feel reassuring and safe when everything else feels overwhelming. Step away from the situation, if you can, to help you find your calm. Taking deep breaths, counting to ten, taking a sip of water and pausing before reacting not only help to create calm, but it models for children self-regulation skills.
Communication is not going to take away the chaos, but it will help our children and teens feel supported to navigate it. When they feel supported, everything becomes just a little more manageable for them and for us too.